Honest Scrap = Honest Crap

See this?

It's my very first bloggy award. And I got it from TWO fabulous women, The Mayor of Crazytown and the Alabaster Cow. Well, those aren't their REAL names, of course. But those are their real blogs. I am a regular around both of them, and if you stop by - which you totally should - you'll get why. The Mayor is hysterical. You will be completely exhausted after reading her posts because this woman has four kids (if that's not tiring enough) and they seem to get into all kinds of "adventures." Alabaster Cow is like that cool kid at school you wanted to hang out with but you just weren't cool enough. She's also incredibly funny.

I'm supposed to come up with 10 honest things about myself for this award. I could cheat and just repost this "10 Things About Me" that I did when I was writing a post a day in November.

Instead, I'm going to bring you this:

Now, if in whatever alternate universe you're living you haven't heard of Mama Kat's writing workshop, here's the deal: she puts prompts on her blog, Mama Kat's Losing It. You choose the one that "speaks" to you, and you post it on your own blog, then link back to her. Oh, and then you post your link back on HER blog.

It's pretty cool. And I'm really thinking it's time I did some writing exercises (to help me with my tummy cellulite) so here it goes.

I chose: "List 10 rules you've unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the "right way" of doing things, but that you now ignore)."

I can't think of 10, and I'm not sure if all of these exactly fit, but this is what I've come up with, in no particular order:

1. Keep your legs crossed, aka If you give the milk away for free, then why buy the cow? Oookay, so I'm not advocating, you know, promiscuous sex, but seriously? Between two consenting single adults, taking proper precautions (including but not limited to using protection, and running a full background check) there's nothing wrong with sex. It's natural. It feels good. It's fun. And, my husband married the cow me anyway.

2. Typing is only for secretaries. I have no idea where I got that ridiculous idea. I begrudgingly took the class in high school with a teacher so ancient they must've gotten out of the mothballs every morning. I figured learning to type would help me with college papers. But I wasn't going to get a job that actually required me to type. Oh no! SO beneath me! Which goes to show what I knew back then: I became a reporter who constantly wrote stories on deadline, NOT learning how to type would've been a major detriment (although the fastest typing reporter EVER is totally hunt-and-peck).

3. If I wasn't married by 30, it wasn't going to happen. Perhaps this was helped along by my mother telling me at that point that she'd given up on ever having grandchildren. Now I think there should be a rule that NO ONE should get married before they're 30. Before all you married-youngs start yelling at me, there IS a reason why half of all marriages end in divorce. But I believe the number falls for those who married in their 30s. I could be wrong. Google it and get back to me, 'cause I'm too lazy to check it out myself. Regardless, it was right for ME. Some of the shit I did in my 20s? Embarrassing! So not ready for marriage/kids/mortgage.

4. It's not safe to have kids after 40. Okay, maybe if you're 60. But I was 40 when I had X. And he's healthy and happy. So now I get to post yet another gratuitous picture of X. Does this boy look like there's something wrong with him? I mean, the dimples!

5. You catch more bees with honey. Maybe that's true. Wait - don't the bees MAKE the honey? So does it attract them - or just ants? Anyway, the thing is, I'm not very nice. I mean, I'm nice if I like you. But if I don't? Oh, it's tough. I don't have enough energy to pretend. You kinda know how I feel. Pretty much about everything. That's not to say I go out of my way to be rude. Not at all. I can make small talk with the best of 'em. Especially if I only have to see you for 5 minutes. But if it's a regular gig... Thing is, I'm honest, but not like Crazy Ramona on the Real Housewives of New York who just blurts whatever thought meanders into her brain. I don't ever purposely try to hurt anyone's feelings. I DO have a filter. It's just that I'm honest. I have opinions. And I *might* be just a tad sarcastic, and most of the time, I'm joking, but it's not always perceived that way. I try to be tactful. I don't always succeed. You know what, though? At least you always know where you stand with me. I have a great husband, three amazing kids and fabulous friends, so I'm not completely awful. I'm especially flattered when friends come to me for advice - because they know I'll keep it real.