Monday, April 19, 2010

Mommy Resume - What's on yours?

I'm applying for a job. No big deal, it's something I can do out of my house, but I'm pretty excited about it.

Except for one thing.

They need a resume.

Remember those? Yes? Then that makes one of us.

I haven't done a resume since 1999, when I got the job out here in The OC.

That was 11 years, a husband and three babies ago.

I was never any good at them anyway. I mean, I never know what to say. We all know I suck at self-promotion (Most astounding blog post EVAH! Read it or die sad and alone!), and putting into words exactly what I did on the job was always tough for me. Don't even get me started on writing a cover letter..

You're supposed to use action words: demonstrate. Generate. Responsible for. Organize.

So I thought for a little warm-up, I'd practice writing the blurb for my current job.

Job title: Mommy
Location: My house, the park, Kindergarten drop-off, doctor's offices, sandbox
Years: 2003-Present
Description: Generated three children from conception to birth. Responsible for shaping them into moral, productive members of society, despite limited sleep, patience and caffeine. Show dexterity in wiping up boogers, vomit, poopy butts and partially-chewed sweet potato while holding a baby on my hip. Proven talent in crying copious amounts of tears, both happy and sad. Act as primary chauffer to playdates, school and Target. Plan meals, snacks and grocery list and encourage eating of vegetables. Excel at constant worry. Utilize strong interpersonal skills by cheering, re-directing, scolding, screaming my brains out. Achieve status as top boo-boo kisser and broken-heart mender. Research schools, camps, sports, allergies, doctors, allergy doctors. Manage temper tantrums and sibling smacking fights while loading the dishwasher. Demonstrate ability to love my kids, no matter how much they piss me off.

But wait. There's more. Much, much more.

How can we sum up the most important job on the planet in just one paragraph?

Truth is, we can't. I had a (salaried) career for years before I had children. I have lots of stuff to put on that resume. Though none of them can match what I've learned in the six years I've been a mother.

Of course, we don't need a resume to become one - although some would argue that there are those who should not only provide a resume, but a full background check and proof they will love their child more than themselves. They should also preferably not be 16.

Besides, if we really knew the job requirements - 24-7-365, no vacations, no sick days and - wait for it -  NO PAY - we might have run away screaming.

Instead, we signed on.

For this

And this

And, of course, this

Because what else is there that is as fulfilling, as balls-out difficult, as heart-stopping amazing, as hilarious?

We make them, our kids. But more important, they make us. Better. Wiser. More humane.

Tell me - what's on YOUR mommy resume?


Kassie said...

Mine includes sucking at working right now! I can't figure out how to do both well.

Stopping by from SITS.

Kassie said...

Mine includes sucking at working right now! I can't figure out how to do both well.

Stopping by from SITS.

Kristy said...

Love this post! I also research allergy doctors, handle skillets on the stove while holding a crying 30 pound toddler, and scale fences to get my kid in the park. Yup. And it's all worth it. :)

Everyday Kathy said...

Good post! Let's see on my resume? Everything you said plus an inordinate amount of negotiation and/or trickery in order to complete simple tasks... like leaving the house with clean clothing, navigating a grocery store or making a "quick stop" on the way or to anywhere!

Wouldn't trade a second though!

Kathy over at Everyday Bliss

Andrea said...

Wonderful description of life as a Mom! I would totally hire you!

JoAnn said...

This resume is hilarious, and I think you should submit it to your job prospect. They'll make you president of the company!

Candice said...

Cheryl- you are hysterical. Your job description was dead on. I love it! For me I'd like to add as a WOHM that my resume would include: figure out children's schedule to work with your work schedule, get kid to school on time, so I can get to work on time, try not feel guilty about working out of my home, make sure you send diapers and milk to daycare or your child will starve/poop themselves. I could go on, but I'll just say our job as moms sucks and is the best all rolled in one.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Loved it! Perfect description of what a mom does ALL day long.
Kiddos are cute.
I'd hire you too!

Anonymous said...

That's a wonderful summary of a Mom!! Absolutely wicked!

ps- Your kids are totally cute too!


The Mayor! said...

LOL, love it!! Ever vacuumed with a baby on your hip?? Man did I ever become adept at that one! And let's not forget all the frikkin animals, & the BIGGEST baby in our houses, the DAD! And how many reports do we write & projects do we take on for school? All the coaching & cheerleading for their sports & activities, the EVENT PLANNING for holidays, birthdays, playdates, holy cow woman, we do it ALL! And you're absolutely right, at the end of the day, those beautiful little faces are all the payment we need! :-D That & a good bottle of wine....

Cheryl said...

Kassie - I can't imagine trying to do both. The mom thing is tough enough for me!

Kristy - It's amazing how good we are at multi-tasking, isn't it?

Kathy - Ah yes! We become master negotiators - and interrogators!

Andrea - Aw, thanks!

JoAnn - Ooh! If I was president, then I could go on Undercover Boss! How much fun would THAT be? Except for when the guy had to empty the port-o-potties..

Candice - Seriously, I have no idea how you do it all. You are superwoman for sure!

OneClutteredBrain - Yep, it sure is All. Day. Long!

MACW - Thanks! I think my kids are cute, too - which is what keeps them alive around here some days..;)

Mayor - I forgot to mention the Dad! He should be included as one of the kids! LOL Event planning - forgot that one. I think I need a cocktail..

kirsten said...

this is an incredibly beautiful post, and this phrase in particular plucked my heartstrings:

"Because what else is there that is as fulfilling, as balls-out difficult, as heart-stopping amazing, as hilarious?"

It is everything, and nothing, all at once. Says the girl who had a totally nothing evening with the kiddos tonight.

Great one Cheryl!

kirsten said...

would you be working at home?? Enquiring minds want to know!

WhisperingWriter said...

I love this!!

I guess mine would include cleaning up poo/barf/snot, etc which I think is pretty good. It would show that I'm not afraid of anything.

Lisa said...

I. Love. This. Post.

I'm going through exact same thing, tweaking my resume to make it sound all professional-like while thinking, IF YOU ONLY KNEW.

Thanks for the comments over at my place, I'm going to follow as well because we CT transplants need to stick together. :-)

Simply Lovely Gifts said...

Wonderful post Cheryl! And am dying to know - what's the job you're applying for? Looks like we've got some catching up to do ;-)

Cheryl said...

Kirsten - Everything and nothing at all. Exactly.

WW - I didn't think of the "no fear" angle. Excellent point!

Lisa - No kidding! When ever anyone thinks I've got it all together, I burst out laughing! And woohoo for the Nutmeg State! ;)

Leslie - I know! We haven't chatted in ages!

Sarah said...

I love this post! I am the bill-payer, the household manager, and basically everything else. And my husband "works" in the traditional sense. That's it. When I think about it in those terms, it really makes me feel good - like I'm doing a lot! Good luck with the job. By the way, are your children half-Asian? They are adorable. My little one is half-Chinese.

Cheryl said...

Sarah - Good eye! They are actually only a QUARTER Korean - but they look half! Those Asian genes are strong (my husband is half-Korean! They look nothing like me at all. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but you'd think, with three, I'd get at least one who kinda had something of mine!

Carrie Braunalicious said...

Hi! Stopping by from SITS. I LOVE this and would absolutely hire you with this on your resume. Staying home with your kids shouldn't be a big blank space in your work life- as you said, you learn so much as a mom that will translate! Hope the job works out.

Kristin @ Ellie-Town said...

Love your resume! Mine also includes chef of purees and incorporating "sprinkle cheese" into every meal.

Saw you on SITS and am now a follower. :)

The Mayor! said...

Alright chickie, add this to your resume! I've decided on a May Mayhem guest blogger thingy whatever! Got ya on my short list, no pressure, no deadline, just do your all your copious free time of course LOL! E-mail me at ....Pamela is up first, but I'm thinking one a week?? :-D

Little Green Mom said...

Jeez, thanks, you've left me nothing whatsoever to blog about -- ever. What a beautiful summation of the tall order that is motherhood. It's true, no CEO could do it! Great backpatting post :-D

Cheryl said...

Carrie - Thanks! It's all in the spin, isn't it? I mean, I DO do a lot, even when I feel like I'm doing nothing. You know?

EllieTown - We totally call parmesan cheese "sprinkle cheese" and my kids love it! Thx for following!

LittleGreenOne - THanks so much! Sorry that I've spoiled your blog for you ;)

Momfluential said...

My resume includes a lot of things you cannot put on a resume! Great post!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

Mine includes getting up every 45 minutes at night with a baby with the stomach bug right now. I love this post! I think that "professional worrier" would be at the top of my resume too!

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

I found you from a comment on Dirty Laundry. I love this post. I hope you don't gag but I admire all of you moms who stay home and care for your children. It does my heart good. I am a second grade teacher and what happens at home makes all the difference. Keep it up. You are all fabulous.
I am a mom too but in a totaly different category. I have a 21 year old son with Fragile x Syndrome. We placed him in a grouphome when he was 5. Even though it was hard and sad it was best for everyone. He is doing very well. Anyway, as Arnold says, I'll be back.

Preggo said...

Love this!!! Your Mommy Resume is so full how could anyone think of hiring anyone else??

Good luck. I'm on the look for a job, too. But since I already have one, I'm holding out for the PERFECT one. Does that exist??

Lindsay @ Just My Blog said...

First of all, your children are some of the cutest children EVER. Secondly, my mommy resume reads somewhat like yours...but I would have to include Master Negotiator. I can get my kids to do ANYTHING with the promise of a chocolate egg.

Cheryl said...

Ciaran - Your resume wouldn't fit on a single page, that's for sure!

Kate - Ack! Stomach flu is awful. Just awful Ugh.

Preggo - Perfect job? Sure! One where I actually didn't have to do anything but they paid me well into six figures. I'd love that! lol

Lindsay - Thank you! We think they're pretty cute too. Most of the time, that is.. And yes. Master Negotiator.

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