Friday, April 30, 2010

Mom Sexy means saying goodbye

Mary over at The Mommyologist is doing this thing on the last Monday of every month (she's keeping it up through Friday, so I just made it). She wants to start a discussion on how Moms bring their sexy back. 

I don't think she's talking about MILFS. Although they're people too. Anyway, she asked "what in your life is holding you back from feeling Mom Sexy? What is the one thing that you need to let go of in order to let your inner sexy emerge?"

Definitely head over to her blog and check out her vlog. HYSTERICAL. And since I didn't hear a "YIPE!" at the end of the video, I'm sure no small animals were harmed in the filming.




I've been thinking (over the soundtrack in my head of JT singing "I'm Bringing Sexy Back) about this and I realize the one thing I need to let go of? My grey yoga pants.

So I decided to write a letter to them.

Dear Yoga Pants,

I met you years ago, after Sage was born. You were dark and you looked really cute.  I got you for a steal at Lucy.

And from there, our love grew.

You were what I slipped into when I wanted to be more comfortable. You made me feel okay to go to Target in nothing but you and a tee shirt, knowing you had my back. Literally.

I wore you instead of shorts to physical therapy, so that when I got stretched, no one could see the flabalanch that is my inner thighs, or worse, the fact I haven't had a bikini wax since 2002.

I loved you. I really did.

You were SO loyal. You didn't even mind when I got pregnant. You stuck with me as I gained. And gained. And gained. You grew to fit me. You stretched your limits. You didn't complain when I couldn't even see your waistband, when I could barely pull your drawstring.

And then. After X was born. There you were, ready for our next adventure. You didn't care that I still carried fifty the few pounds I'd put on with the pregnancy. You still loved me. You were my go-to pants, and you didn't even tell me what I REALLY looked like from behind.

But then I started losing the weight. You became not so clingy. I guess we both needed our space. But then you got baggy, and quite frankly, that's not appealing. I know I shouldn't be so superficial, but it's true. You just didn't bounce back, while I am back to the size I was when we first met. Smaller, even.

You, however. You let yourself go. You have HOLES, for chrissake.

How can I feel sexy? It's bad enough I have three kids and spend my days covered in snot and dirty handprints, and doing super glamourous stuff like driving the Mom Taxi and racing to grab X before he climbs the stairs - again. I don't need to have the saggy ass, too.

Let's be honest: I don't need you anymore.

Strike that. I don't WANT you anymore.

I've moved on. To pants that, you know, actually fasten. With a button. And a zipper. That make me feel a little less frumpy. A little more put together. That remind me I'm a woman, that I'm worth it.

So yes, you've seen me through fat thick and thin. You've always been there for me, and that's the problem.

Hell, I don't even DO yoga.

Goodbye, Yoga Pants.

Thanks for the memories. But we're through.

Best wishes,

Me.



13 comments:

the mombshell said...

I have a pair of men's long johns that I need to write a letter to as well. There just so comfy though! I guess if you love something you have to set it free. -sniff-

Mandy P said...

LOVE IT! Oh...don't we all have some "Dear John" letters we need to write to various pieces of clothing? This is such a great post. SO glad you decided to join in!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl said...

You've got to quit them, people! Channel your inner Stacy and Clinton and throw the shit out! ASAP!

The Mommyologist said...

This was freakin' AWESOME!!! I think that we all have that one pair of pants that we need to let go of. YOU GO GIRL!!!

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

well written! Your yoga pants have now joined my hospital scrub pants in the land of "No hot momma should ever wear these"!

Marit said...

Love it! oh boy, I need to write a letter like that to my black yoga pants. Or at least I should enroll in a yoga class to justify wearing them every day. Ironically, my word verification (to leave this comment) reads "dressi." It must be a sign to slip into something less stretchy and more dressy :-))

FeliciaB said...

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Ma What's 4 dinner said...

Goodbye dear pants! Ok, now I feel like a$$ because I'm wearing my "yoga pants" right now. Though mine are faux juicy sweats that saw me through 3 pregnancies and I hike up and roll over to still fit, because the real juicys don't anymore, and now I'm going to have to go upstairs, ugh shower, and put on some sort of sundress and go out and get all mom sexy!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of my SITS day, it means the world to me!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner?
www.mawhats4dinner.com

Andrea (PARENTise) said...

Ah...I have a purple tank that I wore before I got pregnant and I loved it - it was made of a really pretty stretch material and the perfect color. When I got pregnant it too (like your yoga pants) stretched to fit me. It looked really cute while prego too...and not - I have shrunk back (unlike you not to original size and definitely not smaller - but shrunk down nonetheless)...I guess it is time for purple tank to go and visit her brothers in sisters in teh land of goodwill or some other place...

Thanks for the inspiration!

Oh and Marit - my word verification is pantie - I'm not going to read too much into that - it might get me into trouble!

Wendy said...

Too funny!
Poppin in from SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Lisa said...

I officially freaking love your posts. That's right, FREAKING.

I loved my preggo yoga pants too. I almost cried when I put them in the Goodwill pile, but man, it was time for them to go. Had permanent saggy-ass.

(No BlogHer for me, unfortunately I believe they are sold out).

Cheryl said...

Mommyologist - Thanks for doing the meme. It's fun! Well, kind of.. ;)

Dianna - Scrubs! Ack!

Marit - dressi! It's an omen!

Felicia - ;)

Alex - I have some faux juicys too. Maybe they should be next to go?

Andrea - I think good will would be insulted by my yoga pants... and pantie?? HA!!

Wendy - Thanks for stopping by!

Lisa - The saggy ass just ain't pretty, is it? So sorry you're not going to blogher - it woulda been so fun to meet you!!

alabaster cow said...

i still have clothes from high school...with holes and stains.

i need an intervention.

say good bye to your yoga pants for me!! :)

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