Crazy Eights

Today I'm bringing you another guest poster, Kirsten from Nilsen Life. The first time I ever read her words, I thought she was an absolutely gentle writer. Gentle. She has such a gift of getting her message across without knocking you over the head with it. And in that way, what she has to say is that much more powerful.


She's also brilliant and uses big words which I pretend to understand. She might be on to me. Anyway, she has lived a fascinating life, full of travel, and now brings her sense of wonder to her three kids. She blogs about her life, her faith, her memories - and every post is beautiful. I hope you check out her blog.


Her post today is one to which all of us can relate. Motherhood is so hard sometimes. So hard. Sometimes we just have to remember to be kind to ourselves, too.

I muster every last bit of patience I have, and lean over to give one last good night kiss. I feel long arms around my neck, and a whispered plea - "Mommy - can you stay and cuddle me? Just for a little while?"

My heart sinks.

I remember the exhausting battle it was to get hair washed tonight.  I remember the screaming fit the two year-old pitched because we weren't reading FIVE [Curious] "George stories".  I remember that we didn't agree on an outfit for school tomorrow, and that means a battle looms in the morning over whether we can wear Hello Kitty glitter shoes and a skirt without tights.

In a split second images flash through my head - the stacks of dishes waiting for the dishwasher, the bills that need examining, my laptop blinking its compelling '5 new messages', the botttle of red wine that is waiting its turn to glug glug glug into my glass.  I imagine the 5:30 wakeup call that smirks from the far side of the night.

Putting the kids to bed on my own for the fifth time this week has once again reminded me that the 'work week widow' gig isn't always as sweet as it sounds.

No, I say.

No.

I believe - believe with all my heart, in fact - that you should always take the moment to hug them an extra time. I know that life turns on a dime, and that each second is precious.  I know that their growing up years will flash by too quickly, and I will find myself wondering where my good night kisses have gone.

And yet - I say No.

Tonight, all I had was the strength to say No. I am not enough, I don't have enough, and I will be more for you in the morning.

We all need a card to play when we don't have anything left.  A crazy eight, designed to cover for the worst hand. A card that gets us a free pass.

Tonight was my Crazy Eight card.