Sunday, May 16, 2010

In a Sun Hat

Oh, you crazy girls over at Momalom. Did you just know Lust would be the toughest topic of all? I admit the first post I wrote on the topic will never see the light of day. I realize I actually DO have boundaries, after all. With that, I completely shifted gears. 

Bonnets.

Little knit hats. Rompers. Skirts that reveal roll upon roll of delicious chubbiness.

I so, so wanted a girl.

When I found out we were having a boy for our first child, I felt only a small swallow of disappointment. My husband and I planned on having another child - another chance for a girl. (Do I need to even say that OBVIOUSLY our first concern was that the baby was healthy? Just in case you are tsk tsking to yourself. Which I know you're not, because that's not how you roll.)

I mean, I love my son. He's adorable and, in retrospect, was a very easy baby. But I didn't see myself having a tea party with him, or later, getting pedis together.

So when we got pregnant when Sawyer was a year old, I started daydreaming about pink. But I just knew it would be a boy, because really really wanting something does not make it so. And why should I be so lucky?

It was a boy. I was sure of it.

Then we had the ultrasound. David and I stared at the black and white image on the screen. It was so clear, we could see the motes floating in the amniotic fluid. And we weren't first-timers. We'd seen boy parts before. I cocked my head to the side. David leaned in. Finally the tech said, "Do you want to know?"

I said, "It's a boy, right?"

"I'll put you out of your misery," she said. "Imagine the baby is sitting on a glass table. And you are under it, looking up. That's the view you're getting. Of your baby girl."

David and I looked at each other through tears. We couldn't believe it.

A girl.

Pigtails. Ballet shoes. Dolls. Pink. Did I mention pink? Because when you've dressed your child in blue and brown and green and in shirts with trucks and footballs on them, you might go a little overboard with a certain other color.



I hoped for another girl when I became pregnant with our third. I love to shop. And I may have bought enough to outfit North America and parts of Canada a few too many things for Sage, so it would've been nice to get another wear out of that cute velvet skirt.

Of course, we had another boy, and he is perfect for our family.

Still, I feel sad Sage won't have a sister. I can't imagine not having one, even though mine tormented me occasionally - like telling me, at age 4, that one day I would bleed from my Private Parts and there was nothing I could do about it.

She also came racing home early from two hours away to raise holy Hell when she heard my father and grandfather were telling me how fat I was - on the eve of my college graduation. She was my biggest champion. Who would be that for Sage?

If David and I were younger, if we had a bigger house, if we made more money, then maybe we would consider having another child. But we're old, live in a tiny house, and are lucky to do okay on one salary.

The shop is closed.

Baby lust. It's going to have to be put on hold til someone calls me "Grandma."

Maybe that someone will be a sweet baby girl in a sun hat.




27 comments:

JoAnn said...

this is adorable. ADORABLE!
I have girl baby lust too. I want those large, huge, ridiculously ginormous flower clips with the rhinestone in the middle. I want one the size of a babies head.

Corinne said...

I'm with you with the baby lust... my two are perfect for our family... but there's something about the baby cheeks and rolls and giggles that make me always want more :)

Hyacynth said...

Ahhh, yes. I must admit, I lust for a girl, too. I love my boys oh so very much, but there is a longing for a daughter in my heart. And there is some SERIOUS lusting going on for those cute pink baby leggings and adorable huge bow headbands. Thanks for sharing. Stopping by from Momalom.

TKW said...

Oh, so sweet in the sun hat. That's okay about not having a sister (though coming from me, you realize the bias there). She will have two doting brothers to defend her and have her back. Awesome.

Shell said...

Oh, that precious little face!

I can totally understand this, having 3 boys. I love them so much and I've adjusted to life as an all-boy mama, but when I see such cuteness, I do get a little ache.

C (Kid Things) said...

I have 2 boys and a girl, too. Growing up, I only had a brother so my experience is different. But there's something about a girl having her brothers to protect her. I'm sure if I had a sister myself I might miss that for my daughter, but 2 boys and a girl doesn't get much better.

Your girl in the sunhat is adorable.

mummyjanie said...

So we've both got the Baby Lust!

There are advantages to being the only girl....two boys to look out for her and she'll always be the princess of the family.

My husband has two brothers and one sister. His sister loves to shop, get pedicures and be the girl in the family, but her brothers taught her to play sports and be tough....I think it's a good combo.

amommymous said...

Sage is BEAUTIFUL. And not just in that way that applies to every baby. We have a 20 month old girl and she's already asking for "pretties" and make-up and trying on every shoe she can find.... I don't even TRY to girlie her up. She just does it on her own. There has got to be something innate.

the mombshell said...

I love it! I was so sure Iris was a boy, it was a total surprise when I found out it was a girl. My Visa has taken a beating for it, there is just so many cute girl's clothes!

Kristy said...

Aww, precious! I will say prayers for you - lots of little grandbaby girlies!

Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF said...

A girl with two brothers is in good shape. Two boys to protect her and tease and intimidate boyfriends and be proud of their sis? It's gold, really.

Liz said...

I can totally relate to buying way too many things in pink! This is our first child, and she already has a wardrobe half the size of mine. Gymboree, Old Navy, Gap, and Children's Place love to see me coming.

kirsten said...

now see, me? I was convinced I would be raising a pack of boys. I was SO SO SO ready for truck t-shirts, OshKosh overalls, and surfer trunks. I even hated the color pink!

Then I got girl #1 who Rocked. My. World - in both good & bad ways, and forever reconciled myself to a world of pink. Then got 'MY' boy (who I totally get).

Then came pregnancy #3, and I was sure I would have a boy. Sure of it. But didn't find out until delivery. She is an amazing mixture of everyone, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I DO feel the same sadness in reverse - I wish my little guy would have a brother for Star Wars battles.

BigLittleWolf said...

Lovely. I had boys (and wanted MORE boys!) - and baby lust, which I thought might taper off with age, never quite goes away for some of us.

Linda Pressman said...

I love that your sister ran home to rescue you from tormenters! That's the best that any sister can be!

Your description of looking at the ultrasound is exactly what happened to me and my husband. Completely astounded that we weren't having another boy, and yet it was completely right.

Rudri said...

Lovely pics. My daughter was just in a ballet recital with 10 other girls. They had the tutus, pigtails, and the ballet shoes. So cute and precious. Having girls are so much fun.

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

I can relate. Very sweet story.

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

This made me cry (good tears)-because I know exactly what you felt when you were hoping for a girl! I would never, ever trade my little boy for a girl now, but I'm still hoping for my chance to buy frilly dresses & American Girl Dolls & I have her name picked out. Did I mention there hasn't been a girl in 4 generations on my husband's side of the family--I think I'm screwed!

The Mayor! said...

Awwwwww, she's sooo beautiful!! But I must admit, I always envisioned a houseful of boys...I'm just not the girly girl type, & sometimes having 3 little girls with all their dive & fashionista ways, makes me crazy LOL...whereas I have a blast rockin' out to Guitar Hero or playing hockey & soccer with the boy...& I gotta tell ya, my girls cost me a fortune....cause I get totally sucked in by all that cutesy girlie stuff!!!! :-o

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

And she's beautiful! Did I mention that?! :)

Lisa said...

Eeee! The cheeks! I love it! You two made some cuuuuute babies while the shop was open.

What is this nonsense about boundaries? :-)

Been wondering too, what nationality is your husband? My mom is Irish and my dad is Chinese, so I'm kind of curious.

Aging Mommy said...

I was convinced I was having a boy (my next post on Yes will actually talk about this) so when told I was having a girl I was at first convinced I had heard wrongly. But then it hit me, a girl, pink and pink and more pink and all those other things. I also totally get the baby lust, I'm not sure that ever goes away. Stopping by from Momalom.

The Mayor! said...

Hey, have you ever checked out the other Tracy's recipes on The Daily Mom Diaries?? Her little guy has food allergies, she posts some really good ones she digs up for him! http://thedailymomdiaries.blogspot.com/search/label/recipe

The Grown-Up Child said...

What a great post. Like you, I had a boy and then a girl. But I actually was hoping my girl was boy. I don't know. I just already was in the groove with my boy. I had all the boy stuff and I was I our household already revolved around trains, cars and monster trucks.

But I have to say that today I am sooo very glad I had my Claire. She's made me remember my feminine side. I love doing her hair and dressing her up and telling her she's sooo pretty! And I love the look of adoration I see in my husband's eyes when he looks at her. And best of all? I love seeing how wonderful of a big brother my son has become. He is so protective!

I love baby stories...

Cheryl said...

Thank you all for commenting on the cuteness of my baby girl. My husband and I do make cute babies (if I do say so myself) mostly because they look nothing like me. And I do mean nothing!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who lusts for pink. And that having an older and a younger brother isn't entirely a curse. ;)

Marit said...

Glad you got your girl and pink fix ~ Sage is just adorable! I'm sure that with that much cuteness, two brotherly bodyguards will come in very handy :-)

Sarah said...

Here I am! Late, but here nonetheless...and yes, with girl jealousy.

Three boys. Lots of penises in this house. :) Not a stitch of pink or purple or cutesieness.

I may just have a fourth baby in me. But I think I'm finally to the point where I can see my life with all boys, all the time. And I think that realizing this, imagining this picture, makes it alright for me to finally wish realistically for another baby.

Bravo on your family of three little ones. Has Jen added you to the MomMamaMommy list? If not, send her an email...

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