Saturday, March 01, 2008

I'm (not) effing Matt Damon

Movie stars never really moved me. I never got all atwitter over the new hot thing that was up on the silver screen. In fact, I was quite faithful to one for years. But then, he got kinda weird and things just weren't working out. So I had to move on.

Let's start from the beginning, though: my very first love.

I had an oversize poster of Shaun Cassidy's face in my room in fourth grade, but that was because this girl Tracey in my class had one too. And, just like her, I HAD to kiss his ginormous poster lips each night before bed. Da do ron ron ron, da do ron ron (what the hell does that even MEAN?). But since the cool paper didn't smooch back, I gave it up shortly. Hey, I was 9!

Wait - he wasn't a movie star. So I probably didn't need to share that particular gem from my childhood.

Now, when I was in high school, I met my first true love. Risky Business came out. Followed soon thereafter by All the Right Moves. I LOVED that movie, with my boy all muddy in his football uni. My friend's dad owned a video store and got me the poster. And so Tom Cruise was my first Hollywood crush. And it went on for years. Until, you know, he went all Scientolocrazy on me. The couch-jumping, Matt Lauer-insulting, L. Ron Hubbard-loving man simply forced me to dump him. I mean, what's a girl to do?

Luckily, I found someone new to heart. If truth be told, I think I had feelings for him even when I was still kinda involved with Tom. It started the first moment I saw Good Will Hunting. If you haven't seen this movie, slap yourself, then go get it. Why? Two words: Matt Damon.

He then of course went on to the Bourne movies and was voted Sexiest Man of the Year by People (They're so, like five years ago. I could've told them that!). Now, his manlove Ben Affleck is TALLER, which is appealing, but he just can't do the crooked smile like my Matt.

And so, when I saw this video for the first time, I about died.

I want to be Sarah Silverman!!!

So Jimmy Kimmel did a nice response, which is equally as hilarious. I hope you all laugh as much as I did. And I didn't even RECOGNIZE Brad Pitt!

Oh, and don't be surprised to find yourself singing these at odd times!


Jen C said...

I DO find myself humming the tune at random times throughout the day!

And those videos are HYSTERICAL!! I love the cut-offs. Kudos to Jimmy and Ben's "stylist."

Melissa said...

YOU - HAVE - TOTALLY - MADE - MY - MORNING!!! I had to get Bob in here to watch this too (we just saw the rerun of Jimmy's 10 year special last night, so the timing was perfect!) And, I might add, that I got puked on TWICE this morning, so I really needed this pick me up. Thanks!!

OCHalf07 said...

These are the funniest EVER. Have you seen Jesus Is Magic? I'm assuming yes (and we've probably already discussed it) but if not, stop everything and go to blockbuster this very moment and rent it. SS is the most brilliant comedian ever. I kind of want to BE her.

Just J said...

This was the best thing I had seen in a long time. My attorney showed it to me last week, he came in my office, shut the door and made me first promise not to be *offended* - ROFLMAO!

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