Wednesday, November 28, 2007

He's the Barf Man

Poop on me. Bleed on me. Bloody poop on me.

But Do. Not. Barf. On. Me.


David is the Barf Man in our house. He has been known on several occasions to catch the projectiled mass in his hands as skillfully as Torii Hunter makes a diving basket catch out in center field. He's saved the carpet, the couch, etc.

I, on the other hand, race out of the room at any sign of regurgitation, leaving my poor child to barf on Daddy.

Today, my little girl spiked a 103 degree fever. Her face was really flushed and she kept crying and saying that her head hurt. I called the phone nurse, who suggested we bring her to KidsDoc when they opened at 5 since our regular pediatrician's office was completely booked.

I "planned" to take her, but secretly was hoping David would volunteer.


Because I'm a terrible Mommy who has a severe aversion to vomit. And I just knew it was coming. That, and Sage is in a Daddy phase now anyway and totally prefers him. Maybe it's because she knows I run from puke and would leave her there like a plate of yesterday's brussel sprouts.

Anyway, he offered. I accepted. He luckily was first in line, when they finally deigned to take a patient half an hour after they were supposed to open. They then tested for strep.

You know where this is heading. Ever had a strep test, where they stick a ginormous swab down your throat? Sage didn't like it so much. So she gagged and barfed. All over Daddy! But hey - he made a nice catch before it hit the floor!

Meanwhile, I was snuggled on the couch at home, nice and dry, watching Meet the Robinsons with Sawyer.

Hey - I DID take off her pukey clothes when she got home and put them in the wash!

And, in my defense, I have been spit up on by both kids when they were babies several times a day for months, including the awesome yurks that splat on the floor behind you, but not before leaving a trail of delight down your back, legs and socks.

The good news is the strep test was negative, and after David OD'd her on Motrin, she was acting almost normal (she tried to hit Sawyer over the head with one of those popper toys that you push around by the handle)
and was nice and cool.

(While I'm thinking of it, what is up with pediatricians and their diagnosis of "virus"? Why don't they just say "We have no effing clue what's wrong with your child" and spare us this catchall thing that tells us nothing.)

Here's hoping for an uneventful night's sleep for all - and that my next post will be about something other than bodily functions!


Jen C said...

Cheryl, I hate puke too. I have such a hard time with it. I handle it but I gag right along with the kids. But honestly (and here is where I tell you my darkest mommy thoughts) the reason I hate the puke so much is b/c I know it will then be only a matter of time before I myself get sick.

Jonah was sick yesterday (some 24 hour intestinal bug) and my hands are like sandpaper today from all the washing, lysol, bleach and purell. I followed the boy around all day with a pail and bottle of bleach spray. I'm sure he'll have a complex when he grows up..something about not being able to develop close relationships b/c his mother chased him with a bottle of purell when he was a kid. That or he'll end up wandering the streets yelling, "unclean, unclean"

Cheryl said...

HA! I hear you. We all had the stomach flu last year. I hadn't thrown up in more than 10 years, but boy did I make up for it! It was really awful. I have no immune system anymore, I swear. It almost makes me want to homeschool them, just so they don't bring home the plague! ;)

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