Oh, Target, I thought we were BFFs!

This morning I dug through my Sunday newspaper and found this little slap-in-the-face on the front of my Target ad:



That's right. 'Tis the season. ALREADY?!?!?!

Well, you may say, you live in The OC. I bet you're ALWAYS running around in a bathing suit.

To which I say, Sure I am. Especially to the grocery store. Not. Look, people. It's not always that warm here. Right now it's not even 50 degrees. And yes, that would feel like a heat wave to many of you who live back East, but seriously, it's not that warm. Even it it WERE 90 degrees out, you still wouldn't catch me running around in one of those numbers. Even if they're on sale for $14.

Last summer, when I was just three or so months post-delivery of Baby X, I did take my kids to the pool, and to this local place we call the Beach Club. It has a pool but is surrounded by sand, so kids can walk into it or sit in the sand part and play.

I succeeded in never getting myself into a bathing suit. Sawyer has been water-safe for a couple years, and is a really awesome swimmer. Sage became water-safe this summer. Truth is, she didn't have a choice. Mommy wasn't going to jump in and grab her. It was sink or swim, baby!

Okay, not really. I would've thrown her a floaty or something.

But there was NO WAY I was going to expose myself - or anyone else - to what a third baby does to one's body. Plus, I often had X with me and I didn't want him going in these pools, which were often closed due to "fecal matter" in the water. So, parents? There's a REASON plastic pants are required for ages 4 and under. Which come to think of it, is ridiculous, because there was no way my 3 1/2 year old was going to agree to wearing something like that. But I've seen too many parents put their toddlers in wearing nothing but one of those Pampers swim diapers that hold nothing. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Rant over. Sorry for the delay.

What was I saying? Yes. This year. No excuse. I know X is going to want to go in the pool. It's going to be up to me to get over myself and get in there. Sage asked me so many times last year to come in the water with her, to play ring-around-the-rosy, to let her swim between my legs.

I missed out. I know it and I'm not proud of it. Things are going to be different this summer. I'm just not quite...ready yet. It's only March. Why, oh why must Target do this to me? I was just enjoying a small handful of Lay's, which has now turned to dust in my mouth. DUST!

I know no one's looking at me, a middle-aged mom of three. We are our harshest critics, though, aren't we? I can forgive a jiggle or bulge on someone else, but on me? It's like a personal affront.

And really? When it comes down to it, I don't have to look at my own ass. If you don't like it, look somewhere else. I've got kids to play with, and I am NOT missing another summer of fun.

This summer, it truly will be EVERYONE in the pool!