This is what I need

When you have your third kid, and you put on more weight than, shall we say, is recommended, and then your ligaments are so loose that it's impossible to walk at times, never mind run, the LAST thing you want to do is get into a bathing suit. If you had one that actually fit. Which you don't.

Then your friend starts pointing out that you're missing out on a lot of the summer by not going in the water with your kids (despite the fact you're always holding your baby and you're not a fan of him being out in the sun that long).

So you start thinking about what it would take to get you in the water. A burquini, you think. Something that would cover EVERYTHING.

Your neighbor tells you that such a thing exists. In fact, she ordered a pair of swim pants - yes, full-length pants - in a fun Hawaiian floral pattern.

You then come across this news story about a woman who was banned from wearing HER burquini in a public pool in France (shocker) because it was deemed unsanitary.

Wha?

I mean, if I wore one, perhaps I wouldn't shave quite so carefully, but that's hardly unsanitary, just unappealing.

This is not at ALL to mock women who wear modest swimsuits because of their religious beliefs. The burquini also is definitely of interest to women who are not Muslim, but who would like some extra coverage for myriad reasons: weight, scars, burns, the elderly, etc..

And frankly, there are many men who I wish would just cover it up a little more, know what I'm saying? Two words: back hair.

Probably I should just get over myself and buy a cheap suit at Kohls. Thankfully, the summer's over soon. Let's hope this time next year there's less of me to cover.