Saturday, June 12, 2010

Run Away


Well, there goes THAT excuse.

Bought me some new running shoes today. I had a gift card my friends gave me on my 40th birthday - yes, that would be when I was pregnant with X.

I finally decided, on the two year anniversary of running my last marathon, it was time to get new shoes.

I hope they will propel me to new heights of motivation. Because right now? It's lacking. Sorely lacking. I can't seem to get on any schedule. X can't decide what time he wants to get up (anywhere from 5:45-6:50 a.m.). And then he wants to nurse.

That's right. He's not weaned yet. Judge away.

The lack of routine is killing me. I used to meet with a running group three times a week at 5:30 a.m. Then I'd do a spin class the other two days at 5:45. Saturdays, I'd do my long run with my running partners at 7.

I'm supposed to meet them next Saturday to run a little of their 12 miler. They wondered if I could join them for six. That would be a no. The most I've run since having X is four. I might be okay to squeeze out five miles before collapsing. We'll see.

Thing is, I'm in a bit of a slump. I'm having a tough time falling asleep at night, even though I feel exhausted during the day. I know exercise will make me feel better, and yet...

It's the old Funk conundrum: I know getting my ass out for a run would make me feel so much better, but I can't seem to do it.

I'm considering signing up for a half-marathon to force myself to train. But what if that isn't enough? I'd just beat myself up for not doing it and wasting the money. And that? That would suck.

I miss it. I miss being strong enough to run 10, 12, 16 miles. I miss being physically spent and exhilarated at the same time. I miss the feeling of pavement hard under my feet. Of a good sweat that leaves my skin caked with salt like the rim of a margarita glass.

I need to remember this. I need to want this enough again.

I need to run.

16 comments:

Jennifer said...

You can do it! I just got new running shoes too and plan to start next week. No real schedule and still nursing too so no judgement here:)

KLZ said...

I bet you end up doing 6 today. Sometimes it seems easier when surrounded by others.

And I see no need to wean before you're ready. Just try to do it before braces because....well, ow. Until then, happy nursing!

Kirsten said...

Here's a crazy idea (and one coming from someone who has NEVER run a marathon) - how bout if you forgive yourself for running *just* 4 miles? How 'bout if you give yrself HUGE props for getting out there, getting a run in - no matter how short or ugly - and know that your time will certainly come?

Just saying. We can all use a little forgiveness in our life, along with the drive to do better.

JoAnn said...

i hear ya!
I'm wondering what happened to my motivation, because for some reason, flab doesn't freak me out like it used to...

the mombshell said...

It will come sweets, it will come.

Cheryl said...

What would I do without all of you? I woke up this morning to your supportive comments. Makes an old girl feel good. I'm seeing my trainer in an hour (which will make an old girl feel a LOT of pain) so hopefully he will inspire me!

Oh - and Kirsten? Forgiving myself? What is that forgiving myself thing of which you speak? ;)

Varda said...

I totally ditto what Kirsten says. I am always amazed that anyone has a regular exercise groove they get into, lacking that gene myself. You have been a runner before and you will be again, just got to ease yourself into it and no judgments! And it's totally understandable you are still nursing X - he's your last and when he weans it's all over.

Kristy said...

Thank you, I finally have a diagnosis for what I have. Funk conundrum. Absolutely. Totally get it.

Aging Mommy said...

I agree with Kirsten too, don't be so hard on yourself, be proud of what you ARE doing. If it is hard right now to train for longer races because you are still nursing, then could you not do some 5K or 10K races instead, and work for now on regaining your stamina and speed? Now it is light in the evenings is it possible to train then instead of in the morning, or go to the gym in the evenings? Maybe just look for a different goal and approach just until your little one is fully weaned and you know that day will come soon enough.

Marit said...

oh, i hear ya! i used to do lots of triathlons. now i'm lucky if i get to step on my racing bike or into my running shoes or bathing suit at least once a week. our temporary cure? we decided to go car-free for the summer (of course, that's an easy thing to do in the land of bicyles). hope you'll be in the zone again soon. a big hearty ditto on the kirsten comment.

btw-i really liked your post on abby. so with you. couldn't her parents have waited just a few more years, so abby would have matured, grown and experienced just a tad more. i wonder what went on in their minds when they thought they'd lost her? would they have made the same decision? it also made me realize that OMG our kiddos will be teenagers sooner than we think, and it will be a fun challenge encouraging them to dream big without stepping on too many of their dreams.

you're one awesome writer. speaking of marathons, you're on a blogging marathon. the time will soon come again that you'll get back into your exercise routine as well. breathe easy. you're doing great!

Andrea (PARENTise) said...

I'm so in the same spot - haven't run more than 3 miles since the 1/2 - I just don't have the motivation! I'm going to go buy new shoes and see if it works for me! Here's hoping!

Rudri said...

You will get the running fever again. I ran regularly before I had my daughter and it took me some time to get back into my routine, but I did. You will just get up one day and decide today is the day I am going to do it. And you will. I promise.

Lisa said...

Man, I'm tired just reading this. Ten miles? Seriously? You're my hero. I ran for 20 minutes on the treadmill once...ONCE...and bragged about it for about three days.

What kind of shoes did you get? I have some Brooks, I love 'em.

The Mayor! said...

I bet it won't take any time at all to find your stride again! Lace up those runners, take a deep breath, and GO! JUST DO IT! LOL

:-D

Cheryl said...

Varda - He is my last - but I'm starting to wonder if it's EVER going to be over w/ this kid!

Kristy - Funk conundrum. Sounds like some kind of band, doesn't it?

AM - I could run at night - but I'm too freaking exhausted, quite frankly!

Marit - Thank you!!! Ack! I need to email you!!

Andrea - Shall we plan to run when we're in NYC?

Rudri - I keep waiting for that day..

Lisa - Asics. The only kind that work w/ my weirdo feet.

Mayor - thanks for the encouragement! ;)

Hagler Happenings said...

I think we've all been there. I am a schedule kinda gal myself. Now that my kids a little older, I have more control of it.

ps: I'm totally jealous of your old work out schedule. Wow!

Related Posts with Thumbnails