Friday, July 10, 2009

Four Months

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He smiles, he laughs, he rolls over, he reaches out to grab things.

He cries, he refuses to nap, he wakes up every two hours during the night.

Happy four months, Mr. Man!

I'd like to say Xander has suddenly turned into an easy baby, but then you'd yell "LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!" Consider this typical scene (now, one might argue he was chafed because he had to wear a pink bib):

But there are also times that he is so freakin' cute I forget what a jerk he was just a moment before. I get that he's been teething, that his fists are always covered in drool from constantly being jammed into his mouth. I can see a tooth and wish it would pop through and give him some relief. Guess he's entitled to be a bit pissy.

He actually is sleeping better, usually wakes up sometime between 3 and 4 a.m., then goes back to sleep for an hour, nurses again, then sleeps for maybe two more hours. Not bad. I guess. I'd heard tell about bad sleepers, I'd just never had one. Until now.

He's a strong little monkey. He can already scootch and actually dug his feet in and propelled himself forward today. Guess he knows he's got some siblings to catch up to. I'm a little scared I might have my first climber.

I'm stoked to say we are still nursing. We had one episode last week with a bloody poop, because I selfishly added one slice of bread (wheat) a day and some turkey bacon which lists soy lecithin as the last ingredient under the "contains 2 percent or less" portion. Something bugged him, and since I cut both those out, he seems pretty good.

I find out Tuesday at his checkup how much he's grown. I admit to being a little proud that I've kept with this diet despite at times being incredibly hungry, incredibly bored of turkey turkey and more turkey, and annoyed that I'm not getting a side benefit of losing any weight. Where's the justice?

But when I nurse him, I finally get it. I understand why so many women do it longer than I think I would (or could, because it's a big hell to the no for extended nursing - this diet would KILL me!).

This is the longest I've ever exclusively breastfed. So even though this is my third, I'm still figuring it all out, and it's funny how as he gets older, it gets more interactive; Like how he'll stiff-arm me when he's feeding on my right side, but on the left, his hand will either knead my skin or clutch my shirt.

Sometimes he will gaze up at me with his big, brown M&M eyes. I will look at him and smile - and then his whole face lights up. He unlatches, smiles a huge dimply smile, then turns his head and latches right back on. He'll do that a few times in a row, playing a little game.

It melts me, how I can give such a small person such huge joy.

These are moments that I hope I will always remember, especially when he's 17 and has three earrings and stays holed up in his room listening to heavy metal.


Tonya Rosenberg said...

It took a while for me to find my breastfeeding groove, but once it kicked it I was thrilled for it. I wound up nursing both kids for 14 months (Emily exclusively until near the end, when we started working with the sippy cup - she never did take a bottle or pacifier despite my best and repeated desperate efforts). I know in some ways it's a hassle. You have to think of everything you put in your mouth because it might upset the baby's belly. You have to wear "nursing friendly" clothes when you go places. You have to deal with people who scoff at you for breastfeeding in public, as well as people who will give you their (unsolicited) opinion on how long you should do it. But at the end of the day, when I held my babies in my arms for that last feeding before bedtime, it was magic. I relished the quiet time, got to stare to my heart's content at the ever developing and changing features of their faces, relaxed as those tiny fingers held onto one of mine, and nearly broke into tears at the miraculous way they would look into my eyes and I would feel this indescribable connection.

And yes, it IS those sweet times that you hang on to when your teenager is texting you from the teen-cave that "I'm locking myself in my room and I'm NEVER coming out. Ever! GoodBYE!" Because in THOSE moments, sometimes it takes those sweet memories to keep you from screaming crazy things like "Well that's good, cuz you're GROUNDED forever!" LOL The daughter that used to snuggle in my arms day and night when I was exhausted is now the nearly 15 year old who does her best to avoid being hugged.

While you're still tired, and the dietary restriction thing is annoying, I'm glad to see you taking these little and big moments and milestones and writing about them. Memories will fade over time, and you'll be so grateful you wrote things down.

Janine said...

Happy 4 months Xander. BIG congrats to you for sticking with the diet so long, it truly is amazing. You should be extremely proud of yourself for all the sacrifices you have made. He is such a cutie! I am glad he can turn on the charm to make you forgot about all those other times you have wanted to pull out your hair. :-))

Cheryl said...

Tonya - Thanks for that beautiful comment! (sniffle, sniffle) I am trying to savor my last baby just a bit more. And I'm equally impressed you had such an eloquent comment considering how drugged up you must be! ;)

Janine - I don't need to pull out my hair, considering how fast it's FALLING out! lol

Tonya Rosenberg said...

Eloquence shmeloquence - you should see me when I'm stone sober! LOL

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