Saturday, April 04, 2009

Cry Baby

There is nothing that eats away at your heart - and your last nerve - like a colicky baby. Thing is, you can't stop it. No amount of shhh-ing or rocking or, I must admit, shouting "CALM DOWN" or "SHUT UP" can make a dent in a baby who is in his own private world of Scream.

His eyes are squeezed shut, his face is red, and his mouth is wide open. Sometimes he gets so worked up he does the silent scream, his own version of Munch. I feel terrible to have such a sad baby. I try not to take it personally. But it's tough. He's my love.

The official reason for his behavior, according to his Occupational Therapist (oh yes, he has one, for his sucking issues, and I mean that literally) says he's "neurologically immature." So despite cooking for an extra five days, he arrived in this world not prepared to deal with what is has to offer.

Except for the boob. Yep, he's a boob man. Problem is, he'd like to be one 24-7. And I'm just not that good of a mom. Can't do it. It's tough, because I know it'll stop the screaming. But seriously. I do need to do other things. I know, selfish me, wanting to actually pee or brush my teeth or even, heaven forbid, change out of the shirt he's spit up all over.

To say nothing of having a moment or two to visit with my other kids. Remember them? I'm afraid THEY'RE going to remember this time, and not favorably. It will be "Remember when Xander was born and all he did was scream or be on Mommy, and then Mommy was really grumpy and didn't play with us?"

Good times.

(Incidentally, he is screaming RIGHT NOW.)

Never felt so helpless in my life. Except when Sage did the exact same thing - for 7 1/2 months.

Guess this is going to be another short post.



Jen C said...

Oh how I feel your pain. As I read this I was immediately transported back 6 years ago when Ellie was born. Then I flashed to when Jonah was born and also cried nonstop.

I guess both of mine were also "physiologically immature."

It wasn't easy and there were many days where I just cried.

Thankfully that period ends. I think of it as boot camp. The baby is the Sargent who breaks us down so we can rebuild.

Janine said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. Jack cried so much when he was a baby too. I never thought full blown colic but me and my mom use to say that he cried 90% of the time when he was awake. Thankfully he was a relatively good sleeper! I hope this period ends soon and you both find relief. :-))

JenC said...

Oh, goodness. I am so sorry. Cam wanted to be held a lot too... hang in there. Cam's constant clinging definitely didn't last too long.

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