I know you mean well. Really, I do. It's just that when you ask when I'm due, and I say last week, it is not the time to say "Oh, you're not even that big."
Pardon me, but what the hell does that mean?? That I 1) must be lying 2) am not AT ALL uncomfortable or 3) am showing good restraint by not saying, "Why, were you a huge sloppy blimp at the end?"
Seriously. SHUT UP! I don't care how "small" you think I am. The fact is I have had a baby sitting in my crotch for the past few weeks. If you want to say something intelligent - and yes, since YOU are not pregnant, you actually have more than 1/3 of a functioning brain - how about "Oh, that sucks!" or "Hang in there!" or something sympathetic.
You're NOT THAT BIG?? Fuck you!!
Sorry. I'm just a bit cranky. See, I had both kids and my husband all healthy at THE SAME TIME! That lasted two days. Now this weekend, Sawyer's fever has ranged from 101 to 104. David also woke up this morning with a 101 fever and body aches. Sage's nose started to run this afternoon.
Clearly, this baby is not coming out. He's no fool. I don't even want to be in this house, why should he? I have been chasing everyone around, spraying all available surfaces with Lysol.
And then someone wipes boogers on the door handle.
So yeah, I'm clearly topping out on the crank-o-meter. But hey, on the bright side, at least I'm not that big! GAH!
BREAKING NEWS: Sage woke up from her nap with a - wait for it.... - 104.1 fever!!
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